Sterling Archer

"I have to go. But if I find one single dog hair when I get back, I'll rub... sand... in your dead little eyes."

- Sterling at Woodhouse in Mole Hunt

Sterling Archer (H. Jon Benjamin) is considered the world's most dangerous secret agent. In reality, however, he's an incompetent loose cannon who usually succeeds either through blind dumb luck or the last-minute intervention of smarter colleagues, and his only real interest in the job is the opportunity to live a jetsetting lifestyle full of sex, alcohol, fast cars and spy toys. However, he does show proficiency in the stereotypical spy skills such as weapons, driving and martial arts, and even rival agents admit that no one is better in the field. As such, he is as likely to kill a room full of enemy agents as accidentally cause an international disaster. He is also notorious for taking every opportunity to have sex; Cheryl, his mother's secretary, claims that he "turns women into whores," and he is shown regularly frequenting prostitutes and impregnating his maid. Despite his bravado, he is dominated by his mother Malory, both professionally and personally - his code name is "Duchess," the name of his mother's dead dog. Archer has been shown to have had a very sad childhood, having been tortured by his mother with a wooden spoon, and living at boarding school since kindergarten where he had no friends. Despite this lack of friendship Archer is shown to be an accomplished lacrosse player all throughout boarding school. However he was also once left alone on Christmas Eve, after his mother moved and forgot to tell the school where she lived. Archer also has a love-hate relationship with fellow agent and ex-girlfriend Lana Kane, constantly claiming that she is still in love with him. He may also have some lingering feelings for Lana, continually seeking to undermine her relationship with Cyril, and even claiming that Cyril doesn't deserve to be with her. A recurring joke is that Archer will forget one liners he thinks up, forgetting just as he is about to say it, then swearing "I had something for this" before saying something else. He also refuses to wear anything other than turtlenecks during operations (such as taking the time to change into one rather than immediately disarming a bomb), and claims he was the first to recognize the garment's tactical potential. In the season 1 finale "Dial M for Mother," it is shown that Archer may have fathered a child with the hooker from the episode "Training Day." According to a computer screen readout in the first episode when his mother is confronting him about his expense account discrepancies, Archer is 36 years old, 6'2", and weighs 184 lbs.